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A Quiet Hesitation

by Guy Capecelatro III

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1.
Where Have You Gone All of the light trapped within your bones Captured in some pine box as you lay alone Bubbles up ready to explode Driving a car passing through states I’ve been a wreck I’m in a way The whole world feels crazy Everything seemed warmer with you in my corner I’m so alone where have you gone Losing my way I scream and curse Somehow the thought of you in the earth Makes me feel more assured I’ll dig you up I’ll set you free I’ll stick your bones inside a tree The world will soon believe Everything seemed warmer with you in my corner I’m so alone where have you gone I never sleep near enough staring at the sky until the sun comes up Wishing that the world would somehow realign or I could turn back time Head in the clouds heart in the ground I’m a balloon jerking around Someone bring me down Watching the waves pounding the coast Seeing the birds hover and float I miss you my ghost Everything seemed warmer with you in my corner I’m so alone where have you gone
2.
Arrows in My Quiver Something like a strategy hovering there above me Laid out in this foreign light I can barely see a thing tonight And I don’t really change watching as the world grows strange And all I all ever consider Lay beside the arrows in my quiver Waiting as I ready to shoot But I’m so confused In this way I hardly heed a lessening by degrees Losing my perspective growing so lazy and reckless And I cannot avoid the simple math that you employ And all I all ever consider Lay beside the arrows in my quiver Waiting as I ready to shoot But I’m so confused Watch the way we wreck And then forget Breathe every breath See the full effect All the thoughts inside my head glowing like a cigarette I cannot control my mind any more than stopping time Sometimes it grows foggy as I step outside body And all I all ever consider Lay beside the arrows in my quiver Waiting as I ready to shoot But I’m so confused
3.
Chemistry 02:54
Chemistry The park the moon hidden behind clouds The birds have all left us for the south What’s the appeal I’m keeping it real The air so thin I struggle for this breath And you’ve been gone a week or two at best It’s a catastrophe I’m in the shit again Somebody’s after me I need some medicine The swings the flag rattle like a ghost The salt-ty air leaves all decomposed Where have you been you were my friend The wind my breath hanging in the air And you elapsed I’m so unprepared Climbing an icy cliff taking on water I’m getting used to this why do I bother Back in a hole again I know the recipe Doesn’t feel like pretend I need some chemistry
4.
You Breathing Voice memo Driving through the desert With my eyes out the window And the colors in the mountains And the sun through the sun roof Pretending I was sleeping As the sun started slipping Voices through the speakers And I felt myself drifting All that I could hope for was a sneaky sudden ending A time machine to beam me back at the beginning The air was growing cooler And I thought I heard you humming You stopped at a clearing And kept the engine running All the stars were dancing I swear it felt like Christmas I could hear coyotes Howling in the distance All that I could hope for was a sneaky sudden ending A time machine to beam me back at the beginning I pulled out a blanket And turned the engine off Reading from a flashlight Poems of Robert Frost I swear the sky was pulsing Vibrating and beating I fell asleep To the sound of you breathing
5.
God's Design 02:48
God’s Design I was looking for a sign A simple indication of god’s design I was hoping for a signal My name in cursive scratched out in pencil I’m just dreaming this you don’t even exist I was holding my breath Staring at nothing I grew light headed There are things I can’t explain The way a smell creeps into my brain I’m just dreaming this you don’t even exist We watch the light dance on the water See the sun dip down farther Notice stars emerge then shift You ask what is the cause of all of this There’s a calm in the morning A quiet hesitation borderline boring That’s when I lose myself And I look elsewhere asking for some help
6.
Flickering 02:41
Flickering Grabbed my daddy’s shotgun and walked out through the field Past the ghostly factory where she disappeared Starlings in the Dogwoods stripped of all their leaves I’ll be blowing somewhere else when I turn eighteen Nothing in this mill town ever makes a sound No one ever notices that she’s not around They’ll remember me when I burn it down I will burn it down Pushing to the summit nearly into dusk Streetlights slowly flickering lighting up the rust I think about my mother the choices that she made The way that she was treated how she felt afraid Nothing in this mill town ever makes a sound No one ever notices that she’s not around They’ll remember me when I burn it down I will burn it down I will burn it down down to the ground
7.
Porous 03:32
Pourous Sitting out by the river Halfway toward wasted You said love’s an infection And I’ve been inoculated I jumped into the water without taking off my clothes Floated on the surface Like a water buffalo Breathing in the night air Watching the stars above me Swirling with intention In their choreography I heard you in my cold ears but didn’t know your words All that stretched before me mutated then blurred I swear I saw my breath floating out of my mouth And I could feel the earth porous as a cloud Drying out on the train tracks Falling into a stupor Listening for the choppers The air growing cooler The sound of people laughing pulled me from my trance Somehow I felt warm blood coursing through my hands Walking up from the forest A magnet to the fire No one seemed to notice As I quietly arrived I sat down right beside you a moment there in time You said I miss your body And put your hand in mine I swear I saw my breath floating out of my mouth And I could feel the earth porous as a cloud
8.
Subtle Shift Are there ever any reasonable assumptions Or do we have to jump to the conclusions I’m resenting all this speculation Mired in this mess that we’re making Overworking every possible perspective And in the end the results are ineffective Disassemble reassemble all the variables They say you never can be too careful And I I wanna start drinking They say it helps with the over thinking And you you wanna move through this Make a break take a turn make a subtle shift I broke my back carrying you up the stairs again Just another thing no one really comprehends Is there ever any need to recalibrate When you’ve learned I’m prone to hallucinate You never meant to make this thing vindictive Maybe it’s my attraction to affliction All the precedents have long since been established We’re greyhounds chasing the same rabbit And I I wanna start drinking They say it helps with the over thinking And you you wanna move through this Make a break take a turn make a subtle shi Sometimes in this veering toward analysis And our mutual self-awareness It feels so goddamned uninspired Let’s set this old boat on fire I know this tendency towards reduction Leads to a mutually assured destruction Lately you’ve been reading the works of Lau Tzu I could never imagine a world without you
9.
In the Before I was gonna be the one to show you The world is like a cloud impermanent Point out all the antecedents Precursors determinants Tried to explain the difference Between particles and atoms The way your eyes shape air and light Color it through a prism I wanted to show you all these things But you beat me to it You said I was a condescending fool And then I proved it I wanted to take you out for a ride On the back of my father’s Norton To places you had never seen To stave away the boredom You said you wouldn’t be my monkey Not today or any other There were worlds inside of you Left to be discovered I wanted to show you all these things But you beat me to it You said I was a condescending fool And then I proved it With each cigarette that stained your crooked teeth I grew reticent as you slipped from my reach You said sometimes I blotted out the light All my everything somehow grew contrite C#m B But you pulled me close and made me feel connected Said you liked way sorrow adds perspective Asus B C#m E C#m B You took my hand led me out the door I left behind how were before
10.

about

This was recorded as part of 2017's RPM Challenge in which people are encouraged to write and record and album during the shortest, coldest month of the year.

credits

released March 4, 2017

This was recorded in our attic stairwell and mastered by Marc McElroy.

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Two-Ton Santa Portsmouth, New Hampshire

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