1. |
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Hope
Out in the yard again
Picking up Maple leaves
She’s always lost out there
In the trees
Hope in her overalls
Hope by the swimming hole
Gathering all the leaves
She can hold
Gently she’ll slip them between pages
Of the books she’s read but only her favorites
When they’re flat and dry she’ll mail them in a letter
Overseas somewhere in search of her brother
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2. |
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Somehow the Same
I’ve been flying a lot lately
Weddings and funerals and graduations
I’m always wearing the same thing
Thrift store suit from when I turned 17
It somehow seems the same to me
A poorly staged play or a movie
And the actors always hedge their bets
With furtive glances and cigarettes
I like the feel of an airport
Watching people run then sitting there bored
Those little moments of the in between
High on Klonopin and Dramamine
I still remember those summer nights
Walters hot dogs and Italian ice
And I’m writing you this letter
Though I know it’s been nearly forever
Springtime down in DC
Cherry blossoms Magnolia trees
Seems I’ll be here for the whole month
Working on editing staying with my son
Lately my hands have started seizing up
And my back is feeling rough
If they’d have me I’d move in here
But I’d hate to interfere
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3. |
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A Slow Dissolving
Watching the snow melt across the yard
I can’t believe it’s been a year
I’m feeling just as blown apart
As the day they carried you away from here
The storms were (are) coming every week
I hunkered in like a bear
Somehow my mind’s set on repeat
Hoping you will somehow reappear
I watch the world wax and (slowly) dissolve
It’s like a puzzle I can’t solve
I feel so scattered all about
Rattling around in the house
I spend the mornings in our bed
Watching the news on your old phone
I wonder where this last year went
Things get stupid weird in this alone
I know you said I should move on
I try to fake it for our friends
I wish I’d been the one who’d gone
It’s hard to live in this pretend
I heard these bugs inside my brain
Will somehow slowly crawl away
I can’t survive this in between
You need to come to me in dream
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4. |
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Before We Came South
From here I can see everything
The stupid birds and their stupid wings
The way the tulips bend to the light
The cupola and the dog fights
I keep an eye on the weather vane
To see which way the wind’s going
I can hear but can’t feel it anymore
Since they closed up my cat door
Nothing will make you more screwy
Ramp up the feel of ennui
Then to watch the world grow smaller
And lose some sense of color
I wake you up at four am
Race around then sleep again
It seems my dream life’s all that’s left
To soften this sense of unrest
And I know my kidney’s on the fritz
My eyes cloudy from cataracts
The cold invades these old bones
That’s how it goes I suppose
Nothing will make you more screwy
Ramp up the feel of ennui
Then to watch the world grow smaller
And lose some sense of color
I try to remember my brother
And the barn where we were discovered
The smell of the hay and the cows
Before we came to this house
Before we came south
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5. |
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My Heart is About to Burst
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6. |
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Recipe
I took the recipe that you had left when you left me
And set on the counter top with all the things that I had bought
Two cans of kidney beans a bunch of thyme and rosemary
From the garden we had started now I’m cooking broken-hearted
Red potatoes cleaned and peeled garlic from our neighbor’s field
Onions carrots olive oil I’ll throw it in and make it boil
I don’t cook half as well as you but there is nothing I can do
I’m hungry and I’ve grown skinny
And if I called you would you help I’ll never make it by myself
Let’s face it I’ll never make it
I’m a mess depressed I’ve got a stone inside my chest
I see the words you wrote the handwriting that filled the notes
That you left in the house for me while we were keeping company
I can almost see your hand rolling perfect cursive plans
Of meals and dreams we’d yet to share and now my cupboard’s nearly bare
So please come cook for me don’t let it end tragically
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7. |
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Gerald and Susan
I think I like you more than you like me
But from this angle it’s hard to see
The way you wiggle in my water bed
Somehow you’ve infected my head
(I make time for you
But I don’t have time for you)
The way the sunlight in the afternoon
(I think you like me more than I like you)
Dances and tangos all around my room
(I think you like me more than I like you)
There’s a split between my head and heart
(I think you like me more than I like you)
That’s tearing me apart
(that’s a shame)
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8. |
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The Hypothetical
Now you say I never turn you on like a radio
Now you say I never turn you on like a chemical
Nothing in the world ever seemed so wrong it’s unacceptable
Worried the results are too far gone it’s hypothetical
I get political it’s unavoidable these days
I know sometimes we don’t see eye to eye
And I can be inflexible
From where I sit the blatancy
Is well past incredible
Remember when we thought that nothing in the world
Could ever get between us
We laughed when we read that men are from mars
And women are from Venus
Lately people seem to say what they want
And somehow it makes it true
Every single day we’re made afraid
With this narrowing view
No one in my circle has ever accused me
Of being an optimist
But people are yelling out of car windows
Thinking they’re anonymous
Everyone seems to love watching a train wreck
They say it’s human nature what would you expect
Welcome to the way the world erases itself
Maybe we should say our farewells
Please believe the things you see please believe in me
Know that what I say is true I am still in love with you
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9. |
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A Painting of a Feeling
Shuddering and shivering redefined by everything
Staring at the highway blur cars careening by
Codified and organized a painting of an old design
Sifting through the particles for what I might find
Treachery and memories working out trajectories
Unraveling the broken string and winding it up
A picture of your family blood handled with a sterile glove
Laid out like a deck of cards for everyone to see
And I believe in harmony a subtle sad uncertainty
An underlining common thread tattered and bare
You can keep your mystery I’ll take curiosity
And we will walk the narrow wire that runs in between
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10. |
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Tell Me a Story
Watching the neighbors unload a couch
As all the chickens wobble around the house
I’m on the phone my mother starts to drift
Linger in the silence scratching at my wrist
Poison ivy spreads across my body
Some days it feels like we’re all zombies
Would it be so strange if summer never showed
My mother’s breathing thickens and it slows
I hear an airplane but can’t see where it is
Someone said that time softens and forgives
Tell me a story tell me a lie
Say that you’re sorry I’ll be surprised
Outside the sunlight slowly crawls away
It seems so easy to quietly escape
I feed the cat and start to make some soup
Someone should tell me what I need to do
They’re playing Taps at the shipyard
Sometimes this life feels too bizarre
The radiator hisses like a snake
I wonder how we make these same mistakes
Somehow everything is not enough
I whisper goodnight then I hang up
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11. |
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Periphery
Dearest former self I never knew you well
But every moment chimes like a ringing bell
Did you think about where you’d be now
Or contemplate the whys or the hows
Dearest seventeen I am sorry
I never think of you did you think of me
In the spaces in between
Dear departed youth you were so obtuse
Pointing at your past was no excuse
Were there halcyon days in that mess you made
Did the long sleepless nights make you afraid
Dearest seventeen I am sorry
I never think of you did you think of me
In the spaces in between
Dearest younger me in my periphery
Sorry I lacked eyes with which to see
There’s no recompense no easy defense
I’ll chalk it all up to coincidence
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12. |
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News
Your father in the kitchen telling corny jokes he’s drunk
But it lightens the mood from our news
Outside in the yard the snow’s falling fast
Absolving the scene like a quiet meditation
I wish for some medicine to divest emotions
As I watch all the cars disappear
In the morning when you’re gone
I’ll lose my cell phone
And write some songs I’ll forget
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13. |
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This Long Distance
And he called you from a pay phone
In Missouri all the stars converging
In the bathtub with some candles
You were feeling everything all at once
He’s the chemicals you crave
An impending tidal wave
He’s the cancer in your gut
Too much and not enough
In a parked car California
Lonely mountain slicing the horizon
And the street light bleeding softly
As your body slowly swells and wrinkles
He’s the particles you breathe
Always brings you to your knees
He’s the swelling in your brain
Everything’s all rearranged
On the cell phone through Montana
Backdrop blurring blending like a bad trip
And the water growing colder
And you’re tired needing to be sleeping
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14. |
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I Can't Believe She Loves Me
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15. |
Floating (from Outside)
04:08
|
|||
Floating
Well I saw the way you were looking at her did you know her
Something kind of crossed your face when they rolled her over
A shudder of recognition
A twinge of trepidation
Even a blind man could see she used to be lovely
Before floating for days and soaking up the sea
Purple and kind of bloated
Her face utterly distorted
There upon the slick rocks
Washed up near the shore line
Seaweed formed a muddled dress
That billowed all entwined
With that salty young woman
I see by how you hold yourself you just want to cry
And I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure she was with child
Lean on me and I will
Hold you ever still
I know of a place beneath that sallow pier
Where you can cry without those prying ears
Away from their judgments
About your predicament
Look at this knife I hold
Half a century old
Its blade a hardened steel
Would you like to feel
Would you like to see
Where I sent your sweet love
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16. |
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17. |
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Feeling All the Feelings
I’ve been pulling all the punches that I used to throw in earnest
Writing down my secret and then burn it in the furnace
Watching all the people move around like little ants
Wishing I could join them but it seems I never can
Someone said the underground won’t stay down for long
I’m trying to face my fears by making stupid songs
Everything gets complicated after just one kiss
I tried to set things back again but sadly I’m remiss
I’m a man who loves a fire
Connecting things with wires
I never knew that feeling all these feelings
Felt so fucking freaky
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18. |
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Black Ink
In a pocket of a coat
You hadn’t worn for years
A little yellow and musty from lack of air
That old photograph
The time by the lake
Holding hands and squinting at the sun
But eyes so bright
Shiny with new love
A starting point so many happy things to come
Hope was all around
Back in the states
After writing on the war abroad
How can you two be the same people
Do you even remember that day
All was open no sign of trouble
It’s just black ink on a piece of paper
The words on the back
Expressed what you felt
Were they yours or written by someone else
All the little slips
And all the big mistakes
Yet to be realized everything was clean
How can you two be the same people
Do you even remember that day
All was open no sign of trouble
It’s just black ink on a piece of paper
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